Monday 20th October 2008
Five cut and battered McQueen sisters (one recently deceased), one repentant mother, a deflated Batman and Robin, one arrested ex-copper, one lying gambler, and one murderer on the run.
Sounds like an order for a Hollyoaks Super-Size Meal Deal to me.
Jacqui, furious with Tony, and rightly so (we may love Tony at The Hollyoaks Herald, but Tony made his own bed when he ‘cheated’ on Jacqui Malota with her sister. Now he must lie in it) brings up the matter with Tony and Mercedes whilst Mercie is recovering in hospital.
Brilliant bedside manner. You should have been a nurse Jacqs.
The McQueen gang, as much as we love them, aren’t the brightest bulbs in the tanning bed. Jacqui hasn’t put two and two together yet – the baby that Mercedes aborted was indeed Tonys.
Technically, technically, Tony did not cheat. Jacqui and Tony were on a break/split up/rowing again. However, in this case technicality is thrown out the window. See Green vs. Geller for precedent.
But one thing Jacqui – let us not forget that you are in fact STILL married to Aleksander Malota. Nobody is perfect.
John Paul, big man of the family, is running back to Ireland and into the arms of Craig Dean. Cowardly? Bored of the whole McQueen hoohar? Or is he being paid by the episode?
Dom and Tina have a final warm blooded-heart-to-cold-blooded-heart. Dom is bordering on wet wipe material. Although I await complaints from wet wipe enthusiasts on that point.
Dom’s (dead) wife cheated on him, became pregnant, convinced everyone the baby was her husband’s brothers, promised the baby to her sister, took it back when it was born and then tried to make a go of it with the baby’s biological father, yet, YET Dom still wishes he had been a better man for Tina.
Meanwhile Jack Osborne is being questioned over his dying-reappearing act. He should really be a magician.
And where on EARTH is Calvin? His wife has just been in an explosion, her sister has died, the family is in tatters yet good cop (bad cop) Calvin hasn’t come back to gather ever-faithful Carmel in his bulging manly arms. Shame on him. (If you are missing him as much as Carmel must be, don’t worry, you can download your Calvin wallpaper here).
Why have the men of the ‘Oaks let us down so badly? They have suddenly turned into a bunch of cheating, lying, disappearing, pathetic, fradulent so-and-sos.
My ‘Oaks pin-up suddenly doesn’t look studly.
Man Up boys!
[...] Hollyoaks Herald has previously discussed the role men play in Hollyoaks in ‘Oaks Reduces Men to Boys. But that was urging the men to get a [...]